Loss

This grotesque enemy hits closer to me yet again,like a tsunami but not wreckin the environment targetin the source of my being,I'm not climatologistic nor even psychic but this disaster I had envisioned like the first time it hit closest to home,leaving behind torn hearts and wondering souls,self blame self pitty,filled with doubt of a greater being in control,question marks,tears drop,fear flocks,you is the cause...ashes to ashes,dust to dust,more doubt and hopes of seeing each in a coming world

Crownless Princess.....the odd one out!

a black sheep of the herd, stickin out like a sore thumb, the only black on the dinner table, ibhokhwe ezi gusheni!whatever u choose it, I've always felt that way all my life. Like I'm an allien or something, but funny enough I never wanted to make things any different, maybe try to adopt and adapt to the behaviour of my friends or family. Since primary I was always the youngest in the class. Started school at five(5) But I could already read and write by the age four.I remember the first day our teacher said we are princesses and our hair is our crown girl's, I this common kid's condition which made my scalp ichy so mummy made me shave my hair all time, I loved it too. So "sticking out" me asked my teacher if wasn't I a princess because I was bald, lookin her right in the eyes. Dumb struck she said I was,even though I do not have a crown. That confused the living hell out of me. But it wasn't the last. Seems like being odd is marked on me for life. Throughout my school life I walked a little crooked than the other girls. hated the idea of wearing mini school uniform skirts. Was told I'm pretty but I quote "not that wow pretty"...like I give a fly!..ODD?Listening to Rock 'n Roll even though was born and bred in the ghetto and country? Thinkin Marylin Monroe is the ultimate role model? Had I been not that twisted I would have had friends that are friendly. Coz those I had were the opposite of being friendly to me. Now my four very common school friends(that were never friendly) all have something in common, babies, dropping out of versity, being low lives, me,I'm not perfect either but I'm still stickin it out! Really as each day goes by I realise that being the allien I am helps me BE. Friendly, I am, very much so. But I don't like people who as we get closer think they can mould me and make me who they want me to be, just so they. could see some of their own character in me!I mean what the hack. Now I apply a rules when pickin em, coz friends are I can choose, unlike family which is another topic for another story(PHEW). Now I'm used to the stares from people when I walk in town. Always being looked at like I have something nasty written on me, like I'm a new species of the human animal. Even tried a million times to turn her "crownless princess" to a "normal lady" but eventually gave up!she told me on my 21st birthday that she finally realises that her special baby is now the butterfly in the colour she chose herself from the days she was still a caterpilla,though she has loved me all my life!this was just another confirmation. The weird hairdos, wicked stockings, the crazy sneaks.All accepted and loved!

one gone

Gone gone!how could this be,just six hours ago we were all hunky dorry!can't keep hands off each other!staring at each other's pupils as though we could see through them and get to know what's happening in our equally twisted minds of ours!thinkin back to the time we first met!when your hypnotic eyes met mine!just like in the movies all shit went in slow mo sloow motion...but had to let all slide cause we knew your boy would not like!I rember we were listening to your favourites one after the other. all in that order!Necro,Ill Bill and Rakeem!now fast forward reality has hit,now can't share those special moments no more,your love was toxic anyway,but I enjoyed every minute of the chemical.now I'm detoxic and it's not a good feeling!but I got do what I gotta...it's not easy not one bit